


1180: Academy Year

by Scorpinonymous



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Diary/Journal, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd Needs a Hug, Felix Hugo Fraldarius Being an Asshole, Fluff and Angst, Good Parent Jeralt Reus Eisner, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Male My Unit | Byleth, My Unit | Byleth Has Emotions, No Happy Ending Fest, POV Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Psychological Trauma, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25965619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scorpinonymous/pseuds/Scorpinonymous
Summary: A collection of journal entries from former Blue Lions' house leader, Prince Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	1180: Academy Year

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1 of m!Dimileth Week on Twitter

23 Great Tree Moon, 1180

I am still shocked, even for two days. The time that I had met the professor, he had barely talked to anyone. Only to Captain Jeralt and they were at level with staying silent. Of course as they are blood. Still it is quite odd. I had only wanted to make a good impression on myself, since his allegiance was mostly on Faerghus. Goddess, I never felt so free having to hear a snippet of a tale of the Captain's stories there. Even if they were nomadic, it put a smile on my face.

Talking to him, however, was a bit of a struggle. I can only get a few nods and laconic answers out of the man. I still tried my best, even if I am not good with talking to most people. It frightened me to know that he picked us out of the Black Eagles and Golden Deer. I was certain that my overbearing of pessimism might have been a bit too much. And even when he requested a tour of the Monastery, I talked too much! In fact, the only time that the professor has talked at all was if there was a question about certain areas. Like the Saints in the cathedral or eating with other faculty and students alike.

Actually everything. I am assuming he was nomadic all of his life as he knew no bearings of the Church of Seiros or just the countries he visited all of his life. Maybe the two have been in so many places for, if I can estimate, twenty years, everything blended into one? Might be; I have lived in Fhirdiad my entire life with no other allegiance. Even if I had left, it was to the West near the Tailtean Plains or even House Galatea to visit Ingrid. I had never left home. I doubt that the Professor would know much either.

I do hope for a good year with him.

25 Great Tree Moon, 1180

Byleth. That was his name. We still refer to him as Professor for honorifics sake. I know that it has only been a mere forty-eight hours, but I do not feel at ease with this man. It is just…the way he never held such emotion. Even when it is light-hearted with Annette or Sylvain's larks, he never even batted a smile. We can only tell by simple cues in his body gestures that he was serious or at ease. Thing is that the man was unpredictable from his face to his teachings as well. When we all agreed to spar with him, he made it seem like a reverse tag of some sort. We all had to catch the Professor off guard.

Believe us, we all tried. Even Felix: the self-proclaimed master of sparring was no match for the mercenary. Despite his loss, he was not angry or in fumes with pettiness. It was relief, or something masochistic. If only Felix could talk to me, then I would know why such small smiles. Then there was a lesson on how we needed to focus more on our weaknesses rather than strength. It was confusing to us, as he would worry more on our strength than the other way around. For my case, I needed to be cautious on close combat and dodging offensive weaponry such as magic and arrows. Now that I write this, it makes sense. When he approached me, disregarding my lance, it frightened me knowing he might kill me. I know it was training, but the way he knocked me on the ground felt surreal. I can only thank the saints that he is with us in our house. We would surely be dead meat.

Even today when he gave us the first lesson (while also remembering who was who), it was more about weakness and battle tactics. All within two hours and I am not certain if it trailed on or not. I do specifically remember that Felix had tried to argue that he can take down a man simply with gauntlets and he was dead. The Professor argues that close combat is fine only to more trained in the field and near those who cannot be in close combat (archers and mages) or non-flying cavalry riders. Otherwise, you would have to bet your chances on being outnumbered by a long ranged sword or a tip laced with toxin. That certainly shut him up the entire class time.

He only has one day of training before the mock battle. In my opinion, it is arguably not enough time to even get to train, let alone get to know about our strengths. I am guessing Seteth and Lady Rhea gave him a lesson plan on who is who and what strengths we all had? Either way, this week might be tricky.

27 Great Tree Moon, 1180

I actually stand corrected. Because of the Professor, we actually won the mock battle. Though we did have to set up a meeting as to who can participate in the battle. I was obligated to but Sylvain, Ingrid, and Mercedes had to sit out as they could only have six people at a time. Regardless, despite most of the training being sort of for nothing, we had still won by a hair. Though Hanneman was most certainly a good teacher for Mercedes and Ingrid especially, he did pack quite a punch with his magic. His wind spells, had it not been for Dedue behind me, sent me off my feet.

Even for the victory feast, I had to tell the man my feelings. Just a hair to not offend him to get into any future consultations. From his words, though paraphrasing, "Though my face is something I am trying to fix, I am still joyous." Even then, I still wanted him to know that he was not alone in this. If not for his strategies and commands, we would have lost. And I did have to ask him again on another roof he said earlier today. About all three house leaders not disappointing him. Perhaps he had a sharp tongue on Edelgard, which can most certainly catch someone off guard.

Again, paraphrasing. "If we had failed, your failure would have fallen on me as Professor." Seteth might have scared the poor man. But it did not happen. The training he had given us was everything we could ever want in preparation and he has been the best we could ever get.

It probably might have been the wave of victory within us, but to see the Professor eat so much. It was a sight to behold. Might be because of the rumors that mercenaries eat food with their fingers, he certainly stood to that stereotype. Except that he can use a spoon. Captain Jeralt had stopped by to congratulate his son, but painted the same shock as we all had when he saw his son down two plates worth of meat and rice, and most probably without a breath intact. It was the first to see Jeralt stop the man eat by holding his face in order to swallow. And a sight to witness indeed. By the Captain's words, his company would have to camp and eat in intervals, resulting in ten minute meals.

I guess the word would be endearing or surreal, but to have a joyous moment was all I wanted to see out of the professor.

4 Harpstring Moon, 1180

This is starting to become quite a headache, these past few days. I cannot even tell which day was worse for me. Two days after the mock battle, the announcement of our first assignment was the highlight that made me somewhat happy. Then it went into Aillel and spat in my eye.

I thought I would be done with Felix and his tirades of what happened two years ago. When I killed those lords with a smile on my face. I am used to being called a "boar prince" or just "boar" in general. But to be called a "beast" and to be mocked of my trauma…it hurt. A bit too much, in fact. Though throughout everything, it was all correct. The old Dimitri died in that fire that burned my friends and family. The old Dimitri that saw his friend get slaughtered by men, watched his father beheaded, saw countless soldiers die, cry for his only mother, and had to get wounded from saving a boy– my brother– for an execution that was undeserving to him. I watched my family die while the bastard laid his sorry ass in House Fraldarius. Even writing this made my blood boil. He knows better and should know why I have done it. To kill the men that sold out my father to die. To finally get closure. To have them seek the revenge that they have put on me as the sole survivor. Felix knows that, but just does not empathize.

Perhaps grief. After taking a walk to calm myself down from writing that nonsense, I can kind of understand. Though with my anger, I should have been more nice to the Professor as well. In my defense, when having supper with him, conversations with the man are quite difficult. And by conversations, it is one that should last more than an hour rather than feeling like an eternity. Dedue is more capable and patient than I am, which is proven by how he could make simple conversations with Byleth so easily. It could be about the most mundane things like cooking and gardening, which turned into more than five damn minutes. A record for my fruitless twenty seconds. And Dedue can rarely make any bit of conversation to anyone either! I am assuming the earlier conversations added with my jealousy and frustration just made my abrupt leave elsewhere quite humiliating. It was in no way, shape, or form, the Professor's fault. He said it himself that he wanted to fix the error of his ways with his approach to others. He grew up a nomadic mercenary with no means of socialization that was not for business. I should have known better.

I hope I find the time to apologize.

15 Garland Moon, 1180

If only I could be like the professor and not just care about the casualties I took. Thankfully, I am not alone to deal with such heavy tasks. It is our duty of the church to take down bandits to ensure peace among Garreg Mach and Fodlan, but do they not understand the people who have to witness such trauma? The Red Canyon is one thing to kill the bandits and thieves. It still does not feel right and thankfully the Professor understood. There was no class that following day, as most of it was a meeting of counseling. A change in pace of everything that was our usual Mondays, but it was thankful to know that even the professor, despite his familiarity with casualties, understood that it would not be easy to kill for our first time. He even told a story of his first casualty being a boy no older than thirteen. It kills me, knowing that one day in war, I will fight a civilian now frail than me or half my height and age. I might kill a child soldier that just kills for a home and family. However, we must kill to survive. "In this world, twisted fate waits for no mercy. You have to put the cards on your table." Again paraphrasing from the Professor.

Now in Ashe's case to kill his adoptive family for the Church is what hurts. For days, I wanted to be at Ashe's side all the day long as he grieved for his father and brother. The western church soldiers were someone's family or friend. The person we killed was someone's father: Ashe's father. But for the Church, for the civilians, and for our mission, we had to kill him. As a result, Ashe had not been in class for two weeks now. I even nearly yelled at the Professor for letting my emotions get in the way. He noticed, and he told me that "Emotions get you killed on the battlefield. Kill now and bury them properly in a garden later." That is what I remembered verbatim and it still pains me. It took me aback to hear such words be put blunt at a time like that, but he was right. Letting things get to my head messed up with my training, so imagine it on the battlefield. Imagine at war.

Perhaps I should go to Annette or Mercedes to bake something for Ashe. I know that he will not like someone like me to "stoop so low" to commoners, but I must as a classmate and house leader. Even as his friend, I want him to have that cheerful smile again without all of the tears.

17 Garland Moon, 1180

I have talked to the Professor about everything. Most of the tragedy happened at Duscur. The rebellion in the aftermath. When I killed those soldiers, the soldier carried a locket of hair. The sheer guilt of the aftermath, knowing that all of it was me. But I want to be certain that I would tell it to him as he should know what I mean. That he should understand me. Despite everything that I have gone through; to him, I am still a cadet student in training still dealing with grief. Another thing that I still have to get used to is his blunt advice. Yes, we need that in life, but there are times where things should be a tad optimistic.

He had mentioned his first kill being a child, but what I had to swallow and take was that I will get used to it. I do not ever want to get used to killing the innocent and living. No matter how much it hurts. Even if I wanted to tell Byleth that he was wrong, I had to listen to the expert. I will get used to it, but it is all a mere game as to who will be the one to stay alive. To me, I will sympathize with them and refuse to end their life. To the soldier, I am but a mere target, no matter what protests I shall say. There will be no neutrality on the battlefield so long as there is a goal at hand. For the Church, for the people, for the faction, for yourself, it shall not matter.

Despite the various things the Professor says and does, he is a wise man for someone two years older than me. I am rather surprised that he has a fascination with my stories. I would assume they would be too depressing or a bore, but it felt comforting in a way.

20 Garland Moon, 1180

It was an odd request of the professor to know what flavor of tea I like. I forgot to even mention to him that I had lost all feeling to taste so long ago. I never actually had for the appeal as to why people loved food. If I have ever chewed anything, I can only taste it for five seconds and it will take about twenty minutes for what was left of my senses. Regardless, Chamomile tea was always my favorite. It is not much, but the aroma would always calm me back to reality. I just did not expect him to go above and beyond just for the sake of tea. Not that much, but it was significant enough near the Monastery’s fields that even Jeralt thought that he was going out with someone.

Imagine the poor man's shock to just find out that the Professor does this to better his socializing. That is good as he can have a conversation one-on-one. There are no worries about remembering one's interest as they can just look at them. Just have a conversation and it will last for a while.

And I know it is wrong of me! He is our professor and nothing more! It is the summer and some are required to wear our uniforms that fit the weather. I will, however, argue that he did look cute. Not cute! I guess the word would be presentable but that still adds more salt into the wound. Maybe cure, I still do not know.

The tea that he brewed for me was something I had to witness to believe. Something ethereal that I would never face again. From the Professor's stories, he mentioned the first time brewing tea for the Captain. Arguably bitter and steeped for too long, but has learned how to provide tea ingredients and brewing them properly. That explains the drying fruits and him chasing the cats after it. I still do not know why of all places, it is next to his dormitory where cats run rampant near.

And when we had animals roaming by, he had this charming face on him. Almost captivated by the Gloucester cat and let the thing sit on its lap. I had never been much with animals. In fact, we rarely see them in Fhirdiad for it would be too cold. Only animals there that I know of are a Blaiddyd Rex dog, a fluffy pet for harsh weather, Fraldarius Whitehairs, Gautierons, and Dominic Grays if lucky for cats. It seems he had not given a chance for pets to be near him either, wanting to pet their heads constantly.

Only thing that he received was a nip on his hand. It still did not deter him. He would always pick up cats when we had monastery assignments. It is almost precious to watch him play with the animals when lucky. Even saving one cat from the pond. Perhaps the reason why there are high fences near the water.

And the Professor was so interested in my hobbies and collectibles. I went on a tirade about the swords of Zoltan. In his fifty years, crafting weapons for sport and show. The prized sword in my Palace holds a claymore with the fuller made of arcane crystal of year 578– the rarest of stones in all of Fodlan– and the hilt created of Agarthan stones. I definitely sounded like a schoolgirl explaining such blase facts about myself.

I thank him for listening attentively after so long. Gosh, I am always ending my journal entries with the professor! I need to get a grip on myself.

9 Horsebow Moon, 1180

These past two weeks were hell at the monastery, but having a single rest in search for Flayn. But we did it: we finally found her after so long. She looked so pale and rather bony in the face after not seeing the light of day; perhaps not even food. I just hope that with Seteth's guidance, Flayn being a part of the Blue Lions would not be such a bad idea. Especially since we have to do the Battle of the Eagle and Lion next month. After the various missions we have done in Duscur, Gautier territory, the Empire, we would have experience. Even then, having a new student with us might send us a bit back to square one.

10 Horsebow Moon, 1180

Perhaps I am getting a bit of an infatuation on the Professor. If that is not what Claude is pestering me about. When talking to the Professor, I would have just kept my mouth shut about calling his smile "mesmerizing". It truly was! But to see him smile so genuinely for the first time, I nearly teased the man! It was out of line for me, but he looked so beautiful. The curve of his lips from ear to ear, revealing that big grin of his.

I truly sound like a schoolgirl!

This is my Professor! My teacher! He probably has other things to focus on rather than intimate relationships. Even for me as I am not of age quite yet.

If I cannot have the Professor in that type of manner, certainly I can be at a more friendly level. That is right, his birthday is soon.

20 Horsebow Moon, 1180

If only I had the power to speak such words into a piece of paper like Hilda or Bernadetta. It would certainly make the hassle of writing a letter easier. It is not like a love letter (Goodness no!) But just a small piece of gratitude from the Blue Lions. Even the brooch we have designed looked great. So when we all surprised the Professor this lecture, I had never seen more shock in such eyes.

And the smile I can just write a poem for. I thankfully will not.

We have asked how old he was, so that we could give reference. Unfortunately, he was not sure about it much other than knowing he was more than eighteen and less than Mercedes's age. It was an issue for Captain Jeralt as well. If Fodlan territory blurs together for them, then age can as well. They were mysterious, those two. Regardless, the "lecture" was a great time to have him eat his favorite sweets and our gift to him. 

He told us that we were a second family to him. Almost like his children. We do hope that we will never leave his mind once we graduate.

22 Horsebow Moon, 1180

Kitchen duty was never my cup of tea for anything. Because of my destructive crest and lack of taste, I can never be trusted near a stove alongside Annette. Thankfully, I had Dedue and the Professor teaching me how to chop certain ingredients. Though very tedious as I now get to empathize with the chefs with cooking different meals a day. Yes, a weekly special is made, but only on Sundays. This being a Tuesday can only imagine the garden every week. It feels more like overexploitation than harvesting.

I get to hear more stories of when Byleth was still doing mercenary things. A retired pirate he once had always taught him how to prepare all kinds of meat and fish, which vegetables were edible, and which seasonings were the best for what dish. I do not expect someone like a pirate to know such things, but it has helped in the long run as we can see. Even for my lack of taste, the flakiness of the fish cooked to perfection just sent me to heaven. Or any other less suggestive euphemism that conveyed my emotions.

I still will never forgive my strength for the knife blade flying backwards and nearly hitting Dedue in the cheek. It left a graze, but I felt so sorry for him.

7 Wyvern Moon, 1180

So much has happened these past several days. The preparations for the Battle of the Eagle and Lion were top notch. Dodging each other's attacks, a sadistic form of tag and hide-and-seek, it felt like a kids book come to life those training days. It was not at the training grounds, either. Outside of many terrain from all three counties. The empire's wetlands were rather difficult for cavalry. So much so that Ingrid's horse had gotten its leg sprained. Not as bad, but it certainly made her cry a bit. The chill of Faerghus was getting noticeable this year, so we all figured to challenge ourselves with as little protection of warmth as possible. It was fine at first until half of us had gotten sick afterwards. Leicester territory, though new, is not as bad. Though very mountainous, it was not much of a hindrance.

Even after everything, we had won. The odds were stacked against us with the archers on both sides, but we had done it. Our victory, as well as the professor bouncing with joy and thrill in his face. It was my highlight of the day to see him like that. Especially for tonight's feast. To see him down four plates of food without getting sick is something I could not dream of doing. For Caspar and Raphael, however, it was a competition.

I am surprised no one vomited it back up. Writing that even made me gag.

I am still so happy to have the Blue Lions with me as my new friends. I do hope it will be for a lifetime.

27 Red Wolf Moon, 1180

I should have been celebrating the founding of Faerghus last week, but my headaches are getting worse by the second. I can hear my father again. My stepmother and Glenn. I was doing so well these past few days and it is going down the outhouse. I am just relieved that the professor understood my traumatic trigger back in Remire Village. The smell of cooked flesh, blood, and singed hair has yet to escape me. Even smelling the women getting their hair done in the bathhouse makes me sick to my stomach.

Do I even have time to care about the Ball next month? When we clearly have enemies to battle? It is ridiculous that one must be so carefree when we have trouble at stake. I get it, keep the paranoia at a low for the monastery, but many have lost their lives in the village. Orphans are at an all time high at this point. It is horseshit!

Again I took a walk. I can kind of clear my head. If father would let me at all.

I have praised the Professor to the moons and back, but I worry if it gets either too repetitive or too annoying. It is to myself, so no one is reading it anyway. But I truly love the man. He makes sure that I do not wander off at night after that incident two days ago. I wanted answers on Solon and the Flame Emperor. Why did they make such inhumane test research? Why on Remire Village? Why did the Flame Emperor go near the Professor at all? For four days, it had been like this. The birthing herbs could do so much for the migraines that the light feels like a lobotomy.

Even writing this in his dormitory, I feel worthless. So undeserving of his care when I cried in front of his door like a wounded pup. I wanted to sleep. I wanted it to stop. It can never happen. Not until I die. But I do not want to die knowing that Byleth truly misses me.

I know he has, even if Glenn and stepmother tell me otherwise. He even sacrificed a scolding for me when Seteth interrogated why I was in his room for so long. Only Dedue knows about my whereabouts, really. The Professor's only excuse was that my trauma and panic attacks needed to be taken in high care. He is right as the counselors barely do anything for advice other than that damned box in the cathedral.

I can stay in his dorms, just not for so long.

But it is all worth it to be treated with such care and high regard. To talk about my emotions, making sure I trained and got enough to eat, and him treating my wounds that day felt soothing.

I had to hide my journal as Byleth came back with flowers. Flowers for me, which were forget-me-nots and lavender. Such pointless facts about myself, he truly remembered.

I am truly in love with Byleth.

8 Ethereal Moon, 1180

The professor truly is going to damn us all as he picked me for the representative for the White Heron Cup. Me! Of all of the Blue Lions, and he skipped Annette and Flayn? I am certain he had tripped down the stairs when he told me that he insisted.

Just humiliating, these few days were. I even had to dance with the professor in front of Captain Jeralt! And only because "he was bored" and wanted to see his son interact with us "brats". He was the only one in the Captain's Quarters, but it sure made a torturous feat when I stepped on Byleth's boot. I will not hear the end of it from his father.

18 Ethereal Moon, 1180

I am in love with Byleth that it hurts. When we danced in the Goddess Tower as the faded orchestra leading the waltz we had. It felt many times better than Jeralt in the Captain's Quarters. All by ourselves as the Solstice Borealis painted the night sky. Like those fairytale stories about princesses with their prince charming. I cannot tell who is prince charming in this situation. To feel so smitten by this mercenary as we danced among the stars.

I never believed in a deity for years, but if she ever existed, I told him that if the Goddess was real, she would let me live the night for the rest of his days so I can see that beautiful smile. And there it was: that smile that made me want to kiss him dearly. Of course I did not. It would be foolish of me.

But how can a man truly make me feel like I was on cloud nine? To make me fantasize a future with him as mine?

20 Ethereal Moon, 1180

It is settled. The gift I was received with a lance from the ancient Agarthans, made of advanced material this world has never seen. And the dinner afterwards. How could I ever repay this man?

28 Ethereal Moon, 1180

The monastery feels too bleak to be in. I am currently making sure Byleth does not have another fit as he grieved so much that he got a fever. Like last month when he tended to my manic in his dorms. Now he is beside me after crying himself to sleep.

I still do not understand as to why he would give me his father's ring. This is practically his only memorabilia from him. Ignatz and Bernadetta are the only ones that painted a picture of Jeralt and Byleth together. The two fishing together put an ease to a room where it was placed. Alois and Leonie had never been the same since. And Seteth agreed that two weeks off for Byleth's emotional health should suffice. I do pray that he recovers well.

But the ring. He promised his father to give it to someone that he loves as much as the Captain did with his late wife. By looking at Jeralt’s journal (only because it was in his possession I promise to never pry like that ever), he truly loved the woman. It was Sitri, I believed. The woman we recovered from the Holy Mausoleum. She did look beautiful; almost a carbon copy of her son. The flowers and the wedding are all written there. It is almost like Jeralt lived as much love as he did with me and his son. But he does not think of me the same way. My thoughts, not his. But from what Byleth said to me, about graduating from Garreg Mach and will soon be crowned the next King of Faerghus. If anything happened to him, he will be remembered by me as the professor that made him the happiest prince.

Jeralt was right: I am completely dumbstruck with affection. And I still wondered if Alois ratted on us when coming back from the Goddess Tower. Imagine the scandal as we were holding hands! And he is sleeping in my room! I have nowhere else to go and might just suffer sharing a fever with him.

I got back from my tasks. It has not gotten any better. Byleth had been yelling and punching the bedside at an unseen force. Perhaps a loved one? His father? All I could comprehend was "stop whining you fucking child." It was the first to see him this angry. Angry to the point where his migraines made him sob uncontrollably as I carried him to Manuela.

I pray that he is not haunted by the dead. I would never wish this horror on my father's murderers. Not even to the one I love most.

Now I must disinfect my sheets and pillows. It is yet to be dusk, so sleeping on a bare mattress will not happen.

Byleth please be safe.

6 Guardian Moon, 1180

I was told by Dedue to hand him a bouquet of Baby's Breath to Byleth. I did not understand why it is not as significant as a painting nor a dish. I still trusted his notions. 

I will thank that man a thousand times over. For I received the brightest smile once more as well as a hug. They were his parent's favorites. A flower that was prominent in their wedding as they truly wanted a child. That child bestowed upon him was Byleth. From the heavens, I will give them praise for bringing my savior and joy in my life. I did not want to pester with questions. The poor man suffered through enough. I am happy to make him gleeful again.

8 Guardian Moon, 1180

I will stay calm. Certainly it is not Edelgard. Perhaps he just stole it from her. Please I just beg it is that viable option. Anything to silence the dead and their desperate pleas. I want them to be heard. I just do not want them to prevent me from sleeping. Not again. I was doing so well. Please Edelgard be innocent.

For now, let us focus on Jeralt’s murderers. It is the only way to stop this cycle of nonsense. Revenge. I will avenge with Byleth. We will seek closure after everything. We shall.

17 Guardian Moon, 1180

He is back in Manuela’s infirmary. It all feels too much like a prophecy. I have seen the Professor, with my own eyes, tear through the sky with the Sword of the Creator. A blinding light before him as he took down Solon and the demonic beasts. With a shade of mint hair and matching eyes.

The Goddess's blessing, he told me. That Sothis herself gave Divine Intervention to the man. It is a lot to even unpack. Not even Seteth or Flayn or even Rhea would tell us. That it was all confidential. If it is such, then why is Byleth not in the know about this? It is all confusing. 

But if he is Sothis, I must be the Fell King Nemesis. Will I save Fodlan? Or will I be as corrupt as he?

2 Pegasus Moon, 1180

Fuck it. Fuck it all. What is there to live for anymore? My family. My friends. All killed by that woman. That bitch of a cattle. Do I dare even speak her name? They want her head. My father will want it on the gates of Enbarr. The time will come.

5 Pegasus Moon, 1180

I told him I loved him. Even if Glenn calls me every derogatory name in the book for doing such. But I feel so disgusting. I am a beast. I am unworthy of living for myself. I am but a puppet. A wild mutt that will kill on command. I have ejaculated to the thought of Edelgard's dead corpse and decapitated head. Byleth has seen the aftermath of my shame and he still stood there for me. I do not understand him, really.

He will understand that when I have her head, I will be back to normal. I promise. I swore it to him. To my family. It will all be done. Once I bring them her head.

I just feel like crying in his arms again. To thank him. After knowing that I am utter garbage. A scum to the Blaiddyd name, he will still be with me. He will want to see me strive for greatness. Not for his sake, but for mine alone. As the next King.

I am so grateful to know that Byleth understood my feelings. My love for him. With every being in my soul. The ring that he gave me, I will have a purpose again. To seek revenge and to make Byleth happy. After bringing her head, I will create a new Fodlan with him. A new Faerghus. With him as my husband. My love. My eternal happiness.

28 Pegasus Moon, 1180

I am so happy to finally kiss his lips. Within the cathedral to ourselves. No one watched us other than the Goddess. It felt like an eternity. I did not want it to end. He silenced the desperate pleas. The cries of the damned. My sorrows to wish for death. I will jump through every Moon and star, pillage a path to a new world, just to see that beautiful man smile before me.

I love you so much Byleth. So much that the world will stop in place when I am near you. That the Goddess would bless my unworthy hands as you hold me close. Please stay with me.

1180

He is gone. He is dead. I do not know my purpose anymore. Everything that I have promised is gone. The love of my life. I can hear his screams. I do not know when was the last time I ate or slept. What time is it? What day is it?

I will clean his room. Spotless and clean.

One day he will come back.

Please Byleth come home.

Please come back to me.

I lost everything.

Faerghus is in shambles.

I do not know where anyone is.

Please Byleth.

They are saying that I killed my uncle. I have not seen that man in years. I barely even made it back to Fhirdiad.

I cannot see.

I am crying too much.

I can barely even breathe.

Where is Dedue?

Where are my friends?

My family?

They are going to send me to die.

That is a good thing, right?

I get to finally be with you.

My husband.

My eternal happiness.

We can finally be together in harmony.

The Goddess will have our blessing to live eternally, right?

118_

I will kill her.


End file.
